Awesome Mamma!

Hi All,

I have the writing bug lately, if I'm not blogging then i'm journalling for hours on end at times as you guys all know I love to write and I find it a great way to deal with my emotions....

By now you all know the story of how I met Mamma Cheryl and what she means to me now and how she is not just Cheryl the train guard but mamma and to her I have become like another daughter. Mamma has helped me through some really tough crap this year, so tough in fact before I told her what was going on I was on the verge of saying "no more" and becoming another statistic that was simply in so much pain that there was just nowhere else to go.

And mamma knowing me like she does knew that my situation was really bad, she knew that I was a kid that is a go-getter, boundary pushing, stubborn, you will not stop me individual and you just had to look at me to see that something was so very different.

Once she knew what was going on I saw a different face to Cheryl she looked shocked, sadden, taken a back and I could see her head spin with what this tough woman had learnt from the girl she thought was a tough cookie.

After all Cheryl was there when I made the move to Sydney, first solo trip to Lithgow from Sydney and back again a few days later (this has just happened in the last year or so) as my parents and ex-partner would worry about me being on the train, plus my anxiety would go through the roof. But me being me knew that I had to develop this at some point as I will not be able to drive so I have to be able to get around confidently. So she has seen me go from someone who has gone from a person who could not take the train to someone who now takes the train alone and its second nature. Cheryl has also taught me station order and when to move for passengers to board and exit as stations have platforms on each side. It started off with her telling me "you need to be on this side till we get to..... and that side from..... to pointing the sides from the guards compartment, now I pretty much know on instict. Along with this she has taught me where I should be when boarding and getting off as my eyes are not the best so a lot of things are done by feel or sound.

After learning my story and my past as well as what I have been struggling with the last few months this is where she became Mamma and no longer Cheryl the train guard and always been there through the ups and downs, the tears, nightmares, anxiety attacks, the feelings of utter hopelessness, the texts at 3 am "Mamma can't lay down flashbacks" and the times I have pushed her hard as I don't know what else to do, the boy dramas. And to her I'm just not the tough cookie, but her "Kiddo" and "Little One"

After the other day where I made her mad, I made her a video message to say "thank you" and to let her know that she means the world to me and no matter what I love her and she is and always will be Mamma to me and that I'm proud that to call her mamma. She has watched this and sent me an email thanking me and says that she didn't do anything just showed me how bright I can shine....

I disagree I think that she has done anything and everything, she has taken me on when no one else could or would, loved me hugged me and done so much for me and I'm sooooo proud to be her aquired/ adopted daughter. Mamma has put the smile on my face, the spirit in my life and the sparkle in my eye and it is just great to bloom in front of her and say to her "Mamma I love you and without you I would not be doing this"

So Mamma I say this to you...... You have done so much (even if you think you haven't) saved my life, wiped my tears, pushed me, challenged me and loved me uncoditionally. I am proud to be your Little one and YOUR hugs and only YOUR hugs are out of this world!!!! I'm glad that you are there for me no matter what. Someone with a spirit, heart and soul like yours deserves the Mamma of the century award!!! So take a bow mamma and shine with me as you are the most AWESOME Mamma And I DO LOVE YOU TO THE END OF THE EARTH AND BACK AGAIN!!

LOVE YOU MAMMA! xxx

(Little One)