Hi All,
I hope that everyone is doing well? Things for me are going GREAT (besides a cold, but I'm getting better each and everyday) I'm really enjoying the summer, train tripping places, catching up with friends, smiling and having FUN as well as learning to WALK EVERYWHERE! I'm determine to leave my chair behind at some point very soon and explore the world on my feet and working really hard on that....
Well all of you who have read my entire blog when I started last june and have been on this journey will know that life has not been all smiles and laughs.... in some areas I have really struggled with lifes challenges and sometimes come close to not surviving. You have read about me waiting for new wheelchairs (the isolating psychological that presents), getting the chair and the freedom that having that gives me, my depression due to family issues, trying to graduate (which is yet to happen, but will), my recent stint in hospital and rehab due to my spasms. BUT the AWESOME relationship between Mamma and what she has done.... Which all leads into the tittle of this particular post...
You all know that she has become a huge part of my life and anyway about a week ago I sat down with my journal and began to reflect upon the changes that have happened since mamma walked into my life and for the first time on my blog I will share with you snippets of that particular blog entry.....
"20-01-11
mmm.... thoughts centring on my growth.... What brings this on
a simple quote from mamma just before new years "Keep shining
bright star 2011 will be an even better year"
And you know what in typical mamma fashion she is right.
It's like she has this deep instinct when it comes to me,
have to ask her about that one.
As each day passes by on this journey with mamma
I notice the changes taking place:
- Less negative self talk- eg I'm shit, I can't do it, I'm over it
- I don't withdraw as much when stressed
- I listen more instead of trying to fight
- my self-destructive behaviour has reduced dramatically
- my anger issueshave also calm down too........
I have become extremely open with my mamma like I have never
been before. There is nothing that she doesn't know. I love that I can be so open with her,
it brings us closer together and shows her just the amount of respect I have for my mamma
and its just awesome that I can go to her for ANYTHING and not be scared of what will happen.
In my growth and development I'm learning things all one day at a time, stressing less,
learning to take time out for me, not to let my thoughts run away with me, that "no" is
not a bad word and not to feel guilty using it.
Because of the confidence and security I get from my mamma I find myself slowly turning
into a girl and tshedding my tomboy image. Painting my nails again, doing my hair and showing
myself off a bit more and wearing a bit of eye make up if I go for a day out.
I started shaving my legs too! and hell got a rash from the razor this time when I did it
WOW WOW WOW! I have never wanted to reach for the moisturiser so bad! All I could think was
" OUCH F**K!, moisturiser ouch S**T, F**K!" I can see mamma laughing at this and thinking
"Oh Little One welcome to the world of being a girl and welcome to growing up!"
Feels awesome to see what it is like to shine. I know that I could not do all this without my mamma
and nanna. having them both in my life is the best thing ever, they teach me to dig deep and search
inside myself, to open and love. I laugh more, joke more and dare to dream and for the first time ever
making impossible dreams come true and finally following what my heart desires.
Life now for me is now one big adventure opposed to just a daily routine filled with pain
and a test to survive and wondering if I was going meet the final straw and end life.
I love seeing what I can achieve each day and how far I can push my body and then turning
to mamma and saying "Mamma, Little One learnt...." and getting an excited response back.
If it's this exciting for me then I can not imagine what this is like for mamma. learning about
my C.P, seeing me achieve the little challenges that she sets me, but most of all break free of
the trap I was in and not let my disability be the end of me or have people in my life that said I
was nothing. Instead mamma is all about 'you can, your something, my bright star and a fighter"
and hugs are great!!! instead of pushing mamma I now squeal because seeing her means HUG!
and I now that they say "i'm special" And as I say now life is good and I have the BEST "adoptive" mum
in the world!
Life - Embrace it with both hands
Oppotunities- Take them and run
Value- All about me and others
Excitement- Get excited about each and every day
Milestones- Hit them and be proud
You- the person you should always be
Smile and shine- Do this even when it's tough
Equaility- Never think less of myself
Love- give and receive and you have strength
Fun- Always make sure you have it
Miricle- Don't know where I would be
Angel- Done and is doing so much
Mashmellow- Not always tough, seen the soft side
Mamma of the year- HELL YES!
Amazing- Nobody like her
Character- Taught me to laugh/ we laugh together
Honest- Tells me the thruth bad or good- Hugs THE BEST!!!
Expressive- Tells you what she feels.
Relible- No matter what always there- Role model MINE!
You- unique, special and my mamma
Love- She has a lot of that and I love her xxx"
So there you have it and this entry took days for me to write because everytime I went to end it more thoughts poured into my head and the accross stick poems highlight two different things LOVE MYSELF highlights all that Mamma has taught me and is teaching me and MAMMA CHERYL who she is to me and how I value her.
I emailed her this entry as I have done a few of my past entries and explained that although I know I frusterate her at times with my anxiety and issues I REALLY DO appreciate and LOVE her.
It is through the lessons that she has taught me that when you love yourself then you have strength and can make anything happen, the sky is the limit!
To conclde this entry I have to say for the 20th Jan 2011 a MASSIVE HAPPY 93RD BIRTHDAY to Nanna Dot (Mamma's mummy) this lady guys just like her daughter is AMAZING! so strong, humble, delighful, wise and Agh there just aren't enough words just like mamma everything she touches just lights up and turns to gold. And don't dare tell Nanna to slow down, she will knock you down and tell you she is not 93 but 45! and when we went to lunch in september Mamma played "guess nanna's age" I guessed 80 waaaaay wrong when they both told me 92 my reaction was "NO WAY GET OUT!" they both laughed.... So happy birthday nanna, keep shinning LOVE YOU xxx
I look forward to seeing them both very soon for nanna's belated birthday lunch!
0 comments:
Post a Comment